Adoption Book Review: All Bears Need Love

Children's books, written with age appropriate adoption themes, are an absolute essential item in any adoptive parent's toolbox.  They easily and comfortably introduce adoption language, invite questions from children to their parents, and provide opportunities for discussion about a family's adoption story.  Not all books need to mimic your specific adoption story, in fact, I believe it is beneficial for all families to incorporate adoption books into their libraries, whether children were adopted into the family or not, to promote understanding and awareness that families are formed in different ways.

 

All Bears Need Love is a little gem that I was recently introduced to and will be adding to my own family's collection.  Written by Tanya Valentine and illustrated by Adam Taylor, this adorable and charming story talks about a polar bear in a zoo who became "mama" to a little brown cub.  Various animals make inquiries about where the cub came from, how they can become family if they don't look similar, and whether the cub will "fit in" or not.  The kind, caring, and reassuring answers, from the polar bear mama, to these expected questions reinforce the theme that love is what makes a family.

 

This story, appropriate for even the youngest children, fills a gap in adoption literature with a straightforward tale addressing issues of transracial adoption, past history of an adopted child, and a parent's capacity to care for more than one child with various needs, backgrounds, and stories.  All Bears Need Love will be included in my recommendations for adoptive parents seeking domestic or international adoption and would make an excellent gift for new adoptive parents - head over to Amazon to order your copy.  

Chrisno's Story: The Journey from Haiti to his Forever Family - Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of William and Darlene's adoption story, go back to the post on December 14th to read how Chrisno's journey began.

Even though the size of Chrisno's head did not decrease, as hoped after the surgery and would not get any smaller, Chrisno had improved a lot.  Unfortunately Chrisno’s reunion didn’t go well with his biological parents.  They stated they just could not provide for Chrisno in his condition and they would have to place him in an orphanage. We fell in love with this little boy, cared deeply for him, and didn’t want to see him go to an orphanage.  We explained the situation to our boys and asked them what they thought of us adopting Chrisno and he would become their little brother.  Without hesitation, they said, "Yes"!  We knew that an orphanage could not provide him with the attention he would require with his special needs, physical and mental development delays, and visual impairments.  We had been told that a child like Chrisno would not survive in an orphanage and we knew that we could provide him with a loving family. 

Chrisno stayed with a family in Haiti for four months while we worked on getting the adoption paperwork completed.  Chrisno had to come back to the United States for medical treatment and we were able to be his host family, once again.  During that time, it became evident that the adoption process was going to be very complicated, expensive, and was not guaranteed to bring the end result of Chrisno joining our family.  I began to get very scared and wonder if we were doing the right thing.  I came to the conclusion that I knew God had brought Chrisno here for a reason and we had to do everything possible for him. Around that time, I read this quote:  “Doing what is necessary makes things possible, then you find yourself doing the impossible.  God doesn’t ask us to be successful just faithful.” 

The lawyer who was going to help us pursue the adoption advised us to begin in January of 2010 - then the earthquake hit.  Although Chrisno was safe in the United States, we didn't know if his parents had survived.  We knew they wanted Chrisno to be adopted by our family, but they would need to be found so they could sign their consent.  It wasn't until May that we heard that they had survived the devastation in Haiti and we could move forward and complete the adoption process.

Chrisno has been with us for 3 years except when he went back to Haiti for 4 months.  Chrisno is doing so well and he now attends school in a special education class 4 days a week and receives OT, PT, and ST in addition to the therapy he receives at home.  He can now crawl, pull himself up to a kneeling position and has started to say words and phrases.  We have started him in piano lessons because of his love of music and we feel this is one thing he can excel at.  He wakes every morning about 5:30 a.m. singing, laughing, clapping his hands and cheering for himself - he is full of joy!  My husband and I lie in bed and laugh at him, thinking what a way to start the day.  We're so glad that we listened to God's voice and are so proud of all four of our boys! 

My youngest son and I have written a children’s book telling how Chrisno became part of the family called My Little Brother Chrisno.  The book is for educational purposes teaching children about adoption, bringing awareness to Angel Missions Haiti and their good works, and is to be used as a ministry tool to spread God's Word.  25% of all proceeds from book sales will go to AMH.   

Chrisno's Story: The Journey from Haiti to his Forever Family - Part 1

I had the opportunity to work with this remarkable adoptive family who opened their hearts and their home to a special little boy from Haiti with significant medical needs.  Adoptive parents, William and Darlene, are the proud parents of four boys and I asked them to share how God showed them that adoption was His plan for their family.

Our family's adoption story began when I was watching a Saturday morning news show and heard Vanessa Carpenter from Angel Missions Haiti (AMH) asking for someone to host a baby from Haiti for 3 to 4 months while he came to the United States for life saving surgery.  Hosting meant taking a baby into your home and caring for the baby as if it is your own child - supplying clothes, food, diapers, and taking the baby to all medical appointments.  All medical care would provided by the charitable acts of a variety of different medical facilities and physicians.  The more I thought about it, I thought my husband and I could do this.  I thought it was a way we could teach our three children a life lesson of helping others and a way for us, as a family, to do the Lord's work.

I called AMH to find out how to apply and discovered that the child's name was Chrisno Jeudi, he was about 20 months old and he had hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain).  The fluid on the brain was causing pressure resulting in headaches and constant pain.  Chrisno could only lie on his back with cushions under him to try to make him comfortable. He was in need of surgery to have a shunt inserted to slowly drain the fluid off his brain. Without the procedure, the fluid would build up and he would die.

After a series of unexpected delays, Chrisno arrived to the United States in September of 2008.  The first time I held him I was so afraid, he was difficult to hold due to the size of his head and I couldn’t cuddle him. Chrisno’s head circumference was almost 30 inches and weighed about 22 pounds and his total body weight was only 27 pounds.  Vanessa had sent me a picture and I knew his head was big but I never could have imagined that it was so big or so heavy. I soon realized that this was going to be along three months and prayed for God to give me the strength to be the best caregiver I could possibly be.

He had his second birthday with us and, at 2 years old, he was unable to hold his own bottle. He had developmental delays and he could not roll over, sit upright or crawl due to the size of his head. His vision also had been affected leaving him visually impaired. We started working with him and before long he was holding his bottle. We could tell after surgery he was feeling much better and he started smiling at us and the boys would make him laugh.  I finally found a song that he liked that seemed to calm him.  It was “I love you, you love me” the Barney song, at least he laughed when I sang it, I don’t know if he liked my singing or he thought it was funny! I started feeling a bond with him and I wanted to protect him and keep him safe.

My heart went out to Chrisno's Mom and Dad, knowing that they had to send their baby to another country to save his life. They couldn’t go with him, be there to hold his little hand and comfort him. The impact of what we were actually doing started to hit me; God had chosen us to do his work. The boys also helped, each in his own way and showed him so much attention and compassion.  The boys would play with Chrisno and make him laugh. Everyone loves to hear Chrisno laugh and it is so contagious. Chrisno loves music and we are a musical family. The 3 months seemed to fly by and Chrisno spent Christmas with us. We had worked with Chrisno and he started holding his own bottle at night and using a sippy cup during the day. We had started feeding him real food and we taught him to feed himself.  We saw huge improvements in his physical and mental development and I was able to help develop a brace to support his head so he could sit in a high chair and stand in a walker.

He went back home to Haiti in January of 2009 and we were happy and sad at the same time. We were going to miss Chrisno but we were so happy and excited for Chrisno’s parents to see all his accomplishments.  
 
Check back to read Part 2 to hear how Chrisno returned to become a part of this family...forever.
 

From Adopted Person to Adoptive Mom: Mary Hiatt's Story

Interest Free Adoption Loans

You may already be aware of the opportunity for Christian families to apply for interest-free adoption loans through the Abba Fund. After my recent conversation with a representative of that organization, I feel that it is a great time to remind you of this organization and the help that it could potentially provide for your family’s adoption plans. God has blessed this organization immensely since it was founded and they are able to help many Christian adoptive families overcome the financial barriers of adoption to build their family. Now is a great time to make application if you’ve considered it!

The ministry is Biblically based and strict in their guidelines for applicants in regard to Christian faith. The Abba Fund has been able to grant interest-free loans to several families in the amount of $5,000 to $7,000. If you feel that you may be good candidates for application, please visit their website for more information and specifically read FAQ's.

If you choose to apply, I would advise you to be very thorough in your application answers so they have a clear understanding of your family’s make-up, Christian faith, and financial need. It is better to write too much than too little as the application is the Abba Fund’s only opportunity to assess your candidacy for financial assistance.

Another organization that is very similar to the Abba Fund is Pathways for Little Feet and I would encourage you to look at their information as well. I trust that this information can be a help and an encouragement to you as you continue on your adoption journey!

Adoption is not a Snapshot, It is a Moving Picture

Today, I'm reminded that I am a work in progress.  I have not arrived, do not know all the answers, and am in a constant state of learning....learning about myself, about others, about adoption, about working with people, about relating to people, and the list goes on and on and on.  Although we strive to "arrive" at the place where we have put the learning process behind us (which includes many "passes" and "failures") - it continues.

It makes me think of an analogy that I heard about several years ago relating to adoption. 

Adoption is not a snapshot, it is a moving picture. 

It's not a one-time event that takes place and then adoption is never thought of again.  Adoption remains a part of an individual and family's make-up through the years and it, also, grows and changes with the various seasons of life. 

That is why it is so important, not only to prepare yourselves as adoptive parents and birth parents prior to adoption, but to continue a commitment to lifelong learning about various ideas relating to adoption.  What may not apply to your current situation now, may be helpful in the future.  There are so many books, webinars, online classes, seminars, etc. available for adoption help through the years, but it is each individual person's responsibility to take advantage of the opportunities in front of us.  Will you accept the challenge?

Social Media Tips for Connecting with Prospective Birth Parents

Dawn Davenport with Creating a Family has many great resources available for adoptive families during the pre-adoption and post-adoption phase of building a family.  Take some time to look at their website to find up-to-date information about domestic & international adoption.  This video seems to go along with our recent post about how to harnass the positives of social networking to assist in your adoption journey and give some practical advice about things to avoid. 

Talking Adoption With Your Children

So many adoptive parents believe that it is best to talk about adoption with their children from the time that they're tiny infants...but they are paralyzed with fear.  How do you start the conversation?  What is appropriate for a certain age?  How do I become comfortable introducing terminology like birth parents and adoptive parents?  What books can I use?

Sherrie Eldridge provides personal and practical advice for adoptive parents trying to navigate these waters, that often seem unclear in this short video clip.  Sherrie's website is a great resource for adoptive parents and adopted individuals as well.  The Facebook forum for 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed is moderated by her and is also a good source of online information and support.

A Caseworker's View of the Local Colors Festival - Roanoke, VA

Our guest blogger is Rachel Curley, FLS Adoption Caseworker! Rachel has worked in our office for two years and has prior experience providing foster care for children in Thailand.

This past Saturday, I made a drive to Roanoke to attend the Local Colors Festival for the first time. I wasn’t sure what to expect, if I would be bored after an hour or wish I could stay for an hour more. I am happy to tell you that the latter was true! It was truly a wonderful celebration of cultural diversity!

After parking nearby, my friends and I walked toward Elmwood Park and were immediately greeted by a beautiful sight, delicious smells, and a sound I love! We saw people from a myriad of backgrounds, of all colors, and sizes. We breathed in the delicious smells of food from around the world and heard any number of languages being spoken around us. We slowly walked past stands selling Indian curries, fresh gyros, lamb kabobs, Thai noodles, Baklava, and of course the all American hamburgers and hotdogs! It would be impossible to leave this place hungry!

Next we wandered down a row of little booths selling jewelry, t-shirts, and various other trinkets. After buying more food then we could possibly eat, we settled down in front of the large outdoor stage and watched various performances from around the world. Everything from Brazilian martial arts, to zumba dancing with audience participation, to Chinese dragons kept our attention as we sat out on the lawn and enjoyed our feast. A day well spent! Hope to see you there next year!!

To learn more about the Local Colors Festival visit their website and make your calendars for the 2012 festival!

Celebrate Diversity at the Local Colors Festival - May 21, 2011

For those of you in Central or Southwest Virginia, you will not want to miss the Local Colors Annual Festival this Saturday, May 21st, from 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. at Elmwood Park in Roanoke, Virginia.  This celebration of cultural diversity is free and provides entertainment and a learning opportunity for the whole family.  Representatives from more than 90 countries showcase foods, music, clothing, crafts, games and displays.  There is a Parade of Nations and the festival features Egypt this year!  

Free parking is available in Downtown Roanoke and you will want to bring a blanket or lawn chairs for enjoying the entertainment all afternoon on the main stage.  Don't miss this celebration of the cultural and ethnic diversity in the Roanoke area!  For more information about cultural events throughout the year, visit the Local Colors Facebook Page.

What Would You Give For Your Children?

I just returned from the 17th Annual Barker Foundation Conference in Rockville, Maryland and had the opportunity to hear a powerful duo speak - Judy and Aaron Stigger.  Judy is the white adoptive mom of Aaron, who is biracial.  They approached the idea of transracial adoption in a humorous way, yet emphasized that transracial adoption is work and adoptive parents have to be willing to put in the effort required to raise a healthy, happy, confident transracial family.

Aaron comfortably got up to speak in a t-shirt that said this on the front - "Black is Beautiful, White is Wonderful" and on the back - "And I'm Both!".  That's a confident guy who had parents who weren't afraid to get out of their comfort zone and allowed their child to appreciate his heritage from both cultures.

He began his lecture by saying that the first three points in having a healthy transracial adoptive family are location, location, location.  What stuck with me was his acknowledgement that most adoptive families would give their lives for their children, but why are they so hesitant to give their homes and/or their neighborhoods for their kids?  Hmmm, that was a powerful moment.

Too often we see Caucasian families pursuing the adoption of an African American or Biracial child who feel like "love is all they need" or that their completely Caucasian family, neighborhood, church, school system, etc. will be accepting of a child with African American heritage because they're "so nice and excited about the family's adoption plans".  Unfortunately, this is not the case - there is great value for children in the school years and adolescence to be raised in neighborhoods, churches and schools where there are other people who physically look like themselves.

Don't get me wrong, those are all good things, but it's not enough.  We must get to the place where we can integrate transracial adoptive families into more than one cultural experience and, in doing so, fully be able to appreciate the diversity within your adoptive family.  Once you get to the place where you're willing to put in the work - you won't be disappointed by the rich, full, joyful experiences that you can enjoy as the result of having a transracial family. 

What have you done to put in the work of having a transracial adoptive family?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Celebrating Chinese New Year

The Chinese New Year will be begin on February 3, 2011 and will mark the year of the rabbit.  This is, traditionally, the most significant holiday celebrated in China and is a wonderful opportunity for adoptive families with Chinese children to incorporate aspects of this celebration into your own family traditions.  For families who have adopted from another country, parents can encourage positive cultural identity by finding ways to learn about and celebrate your child's country of origin, as a family.

Adoptive families choose to celebrate in a variety of ways from enjoying Chinese cuisine to attending a local festival or party to taking some time at home to create Chinese New Year Crafts at home.

There's a unique opportunity for families within driving distance to Roanoke, Virginia to attend a Chinese New Year celebration at the Taubman Museum of Art with free admission from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. on Saturday, February 5th.  You can find more details on the Local Colors website!

Looking ahead, the Local Colors Family Festival will be on Saturday, May 21st from 11:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. at Elmwood Park in Downtown Roanoke, Virginia.  China will be the featured country and it is always a cultural experience with something for the whole family.    

Two Words With Power To Change - "But God"

Nate and Sara completed the adoption of their two children, Eden and Caleb, from Ethiopia in 2009. Sara skillfully and beautifully documents their adoption journey in her blog, Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet. Visit her blog and you will be blessed, encouraged, and will be able to relate to the honest feelings behind each post.  This post was written by Sara and posted with her permission.


So much of what's communicated about the world of adoption can feel so fatalistic.

Both the outside observer and the mom who is in the thick of it can share the same bleak perspective. One perceives trouble and the other lives it, daily. Anecdotes about the neighbor's son who, post-adoption, traumatized his siblings, share equal weight with a mother's desperate prayer requests for her child, whose countenance has iced-over since they brought her home.

Rewind ten years and any sort of bump in the pathway to the "normal" life intimidated me.

My secret goal was to maintain an equilibrium in every way. A good marriage, steady friendships, growing impact on the world, faithful-but-not-interrupted walk with God. None of these, in and of themselves, are wrong, of course. But they couldn't exist alongside my prayers for a unique intimacy with God.

He let me share, however little, in His sufferings.

Little did I know that what was in front of me would prepare me to administer healing to my daughter, and walk alongside my son in his grief. My hiccups found me a Father, and they are teaching me to be a mother.

Though I met with Jesus in the back-alley of life and found true safety outside of my "normal" life, I still carried those same expectations for normalcy over my children, who came to me through an anything-but-normal means. Residual fear of straying from the norm carried through to our first months and even year of absorbing Eden and Caleb into our fold.

"Happy children" was my goal.

The problem, unfortunately, being that I also prayed even before the first time I laid eyes on them, that they would know Him as Daddy. I've asked, almost daily, that they would know in their innermost being how high, wide, deep and long is His love.

While happy is surely the fruit of a child who knows their Father loves them, there are years where that truth may have been called into question, for my little former-orphans. And they can not be erased.

And grief has surfaced in our home.

The pain behind her eyes is unavoidable at times. Her grasps for the promise of security exposed behind weak attempts to disguise them. Is our love as temporal as the one she first knew? If the womb's bond was broken by poverty, who can she trust?

The foundational fissures of a child, once abandoned, can not be easily caulked. Even the early years are subject to a forever imprint.

But God.

Yes, but God.

The same words I heard years ago about all those areas of "normal" being stretched thin, are the words I hear now. I found a flicker of light in the night, then, that set my whole heart on a different course. One breath of His changed everything.

I was not made to simply endure, forever living by the scars I'd incurred along the way. I was made to conquer. To win. And the prize was the internal shifting of my heart that would never be taken away from me. I would never be the same again.

My walk through the valley of the shadow of death marked my twenties and early thirties. My daughter found it at three and four.

But her scars will be her testimony. And the imprint, a remainder mark of the sweet kiss of Jesus.

I feel the ripples of loss in my home. When fear fills her eyes and insecurity leaks out, I inhale the abandonment too. She clasps her hands around my neck with a hold that craves promise, while expecting that one day this, too, will end. Her joy and zeal, overshadowed as of late, by tentativeness.

By itself, it is bleak. It is fatalistic. There is reason to accept our children will be forever broken.

"But God" echoes from my insides. I want to shout it in my home and let the hope of those words linger like a candle's fragrance in winter over our responses to this vessel not-yet-fully-healed.

She gets to find Him. Early. The darkness ignored by many but undeniable to her, begs a light. My little girl will see the goodness of God in the land of the living.

And because I'd faulted in my marriage, my friendships, my impact, my ambitions, her road to Him is actually exciting for me. I know not just what is on the other side, but the Man she gets to meet along the way.

And His grip around her tiny fingers offers her early admittance to safety.

It's Tax Time! Understanding the Adoption Tax Credit

The Adoption Tax Credit is a wonderful benefit available for adoptive families who complete a domestic, international, or special needs adoption.  However, it's something that most people don't think about until it's tax time and then they realize that they don't really understand it.  The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption produced this video clip with basic information to help you understand what kind of expenses you should be documenting, when the credit can be used, and how to go about gaining the maximum benefit for your family.

You should consult a tax professional for additional information or answers to questions you may have specifically relating to your adoption experience.

Family Movie Night 1/8 - Change of Plans

I received an email this week from Moms 4 Family TV, which is a grassroots community of moms in favor of television programming that is appropriate and suitable for the whole family to watch together.  Tomorrow night (January 8th) at 8:00 p.m. Est. FOX will be airing an adoption-themed movie called Change of Plans. 

Change of Plans is the fourth film in an initiative sponsored by Walmart and P&G to bring back “Family Movie Night”. Change of Plans is the story of Sally and Jason Danville, a young couple with plenty of love, talent, and career opportunities - and no responsibilities. When Sally's childhood friend dies and entrusts her with four children, Sally and Jason begin a journey that changes the focus of their lives and expands their definition of family. Three of these four children have become siblings through international adoption, and the movie offers a challenging, heart-warming insight into the joys and struggles of building a family from a group of strangers. The movie stars Phylicia Rashad (Cosby Show), Brooke White (American Idol) and Joe Flanigan (Stargate Atlantis).

• Tune in: Saturday, January 8th at 8:00 p.m. EST on FOX

• Spread the Word: Send an email with a link to this post to your friends and family!

• Visit : www.moms4familytv.com for resources, an essay contest, and more.

Your support of this film will encourage a compassionate and positive outlook towards adoption in families across the country. It will also send the message that families want more high-quality entertainment they can enjoy. 
 
My DVR is set...don't forget to let me know what you think about the movie!

Catching A Grenade You Threw Can Be Messy

This entry was written by Kevin Hofmann and originally published on his blog My Mind on Paper.  It is re-posted with permission.

Sitting across from an adoptive mom in a local support group, I could see the distaste she had for the birth mother of her child. The birth mother had abused drugs and was an unfit mother which led to the county removing the child from the birth mother’s home. The child was adopted by this woman whose feelings were seeping from her every pore.

As I sat in this meeting, the only adoptee, I felt it was important that I say something.

“Do you talk about your daughter’s birth mother with her?” I asked.

“Oh, yes all the time.” She said.

“Do you tell her how you feel about her birth mother?” I cautiously asked.

“No, I never tell her exactly how I feel.” She confidently replied.

“Sometimes you can say a whole lot with out saying a word.” I replied with equal confidence.

There was no way the adoptee didn’t know how her mother felt about her birth mother. It showed in the mother’s face just when she said the birth mother’s name. It oozed out of her in a way that made her feelings known instantly.

My comment was meant to make her think and required no response and she understood that and said nothing in response.

In my head there were several supporting arguments that I never voiced.

My initial concern was, as an adoptee, no matter how bad or horrible my birth mother may have been, she is still my birth mother; to not honor that simple truth was disturbing.

I felt as if the adoptee’s feelings were being sacrificed and ignored because the mother felt justified.

My secondary concern was about the future.

I would never argue that abusing drugs is justified and to be enraged about it was understandable. Did the mother deserve to have her child taken away? There are arguments that support both sides, and at this time and place I am willing to concede the removal was best for the child. The child is where they should be.

Over the years, I am certain the adoptee will learn that her birth mother was a drug abusing, unfit mother at the time she was removed from the home.

The assumption that this is a permanent condition concerns me. What if this permanent condition was temporary and after several years the adoptee meets this unfit mother, who is now clean and sober. That mother wasn’t frozen in time, maturity has thawed this snap shot in the past and she is no longer the unfit mother she once was. How does the adoptee square what she sees with what she has been told?

People can and do change. Now the picture she sees isn’t the picture that has been painted over the years and the adoptee feels betrayed, lied to, and manipulated.

Honoring birth parents is imperative. Honor them in what you say, and how you respond because they are part of the adoptee. Dishonoring them could come back to you like a grenade thrown against hurricane-force winds.

Free Informational Meeting About International Adoption - Fishersville, Virginia

You are invited to an Introduction to International Adoption information meeting hosted by a family who has adopted through Children's Hope International, a non-profit adoption and humanitarian aid agency (and received pre-adoption and post-adoption services from Family Life Services).  Learn more about adopting from China, Russia, Columbia, and Ethiopia at this free meeting.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Augusta County Public Library

1759 Jefferson Highway

Fishersville, Virginia  22939

If you have any questions, you may contact the host, Rachel, at 540-949-0576 or beaglefarm1@yahoo.com.  Children's Hope International is a Member of the ECFA for Financial Standards and Hague Accredited by the Council on Accreditation.  http://www.childrenshope.net/ 

Jump and the Money Will Appear

Have you considered adoption but feel like the financial costs involved are too overwhelming to even consider transferring your thoughts into a reality?  Do you look at adoptive families and secretly think "how in the world can they afford to adopt a child"? 

I cannot tell you the number of stories that I have heard, first-hand, from adoptive families whom I call my friends that attest to the fact that God provides.  He provides through adoption grants, interest-free adoption loans, anonymous gifts, family members' gifts, fundraisers, yard sales, selling pies & cakes, and the list goes on and on.  In providing financially for a willing adoptive family, he also provides a family to a child...and that alone is an awesome and overwhelming thought.  The following post is from Meaghan Miller's blog Living and Telling Good Stories.

34% of Christians consider adoption. The majority of them will never follow through, let alone even start—less than 1% actually. The main reason: the costs of adoption seem too overwhelming—often as much as $20,000-40,000.

When we began fundraising for our adoption, I had no idea how we would ever reach our goal of $20,000. It seemed so impossible, so far away, and yet, we are now within sight. I can’t believe it, but we are almost 60% of the way there. We have raised nearly $12,000 and we have just $8,000 to go. “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

Joel and I have prayed from the beginning that God would use our story to inspire others to believe adoption possibly for ordinary families, not something reserved for the wealthy. We believe that there is more at stake with our fundraising than our own adoption—we are also doing this for the families that come after us. Every dollar that comes in says to another family: You don’t have to be rich and you don’t have to go into debt to respond to God’s call. You simply have to step out in faith, show up with your willingness to be creative and work hard, and trust that God will provide, one dollar at a time.

As I’ve met family after family who has adopted, whether face-to-face or through the world of social media, I have found that God provided exactly what they needed financially to adopt, literally without exception. Every story is unique, but the result is the same.

I remember seeing the first few donations come in several weeks back–$25 here, $50 there. I thought to myself, “Well, that’s great, but how in the world will we ever get to $20,000?” All I can say, somehow, it all adds up. Bottom line: God is in this!

While it may sound strange to say, I’m so thankful that Joel and I aren’t able to fund our adoption personally. In God’s providence, this piece of our story is absolutely necessary to the bigger narrative that God is writing in our family and our community. Without it, we would never be able to encourage others in the way that we can now, and our own faith would not have the chance to grow under pressure like it is at this very moment.

If you find yourself daunted by the financial obstacles of adoption, take heart. God wants to demonstrate his power through your story with HIS resources. Don’t let fear cause you to abandon a story like that for a smaller one.

Question: How have you stepped out in faith and seen God provide in ways you never imagined?

All I Really Want For Christmas...Is A Family.

During this season of joy, giving, and family traditions, it's easy to get so wrapped up in our own holiday traditions, family conflicts, and trivial business that we forget those who have a very different experience than our own during the holiday season.  The children without families, the elderly adults with no visitors, the homeless people on the street, the families who are struggling to feed their children, and those who have experienced significant grief, tragedy, and/or loss. 

How can you reach out to those around you during this time?  Is God calling you to make a visit, prepare a meal, serve at a local shelter, show someone that you care, buy gifts for children in foster care, or expand your family through adoption?  Whatever it is...do it...and you will never be the same. 

"...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."  Matthew 25:40b

What About Their Baby Books?

“I just heard the baby’s heartbeat,” she whispered to me as she scooted in a few seats down from me in the prayer room. This mom-to-be just graduated from her first trimester and was bubbling over with these new data points on the one who would soon be her child.

As I processed those words, grief entered my heart.

I never heard Eden’s heartbeat. I didn’t see her when she was the size of a bean or a softball or even a six pound wonder waiting to be delivered. I didn’t hear her first hiccup or attend to the unspoiled cries of infancy. I didn’t get to pour prayers into her pre-natal development or celebrate the stages of her growth.

Earlier that day we watched a dear friend’s newborn. As I held her, Caleb crawled up beside me and studied her features. “Her fingers are so small, mommy. Were my fingers that small? What about Eden’s fingers?” I used this as an opportunity to talk about how his Ethiopian mommy saw him when he was that small and held him when he was newly born.

He was not visibly impacted by this, but I felt the weight of those words. Two years of his life are unknown to me. What parents can’t help but engross themselves with – the first roll, crawl, walk – is a void in his history.

So much of the year and a half that our children have been home has been about gains. We became a family. The joy of two zest-filled little ones has been seeping out of every corner of my life. They have only added to what we already had.

But what has become a staple -- life as a family of four -- has also created a safe space for all of us to begin assessing the losses. Eden wrestles with a fear of being abandoned again and Caleb’s little heart is especially tender. While they haven’t yet articulated grief over the years they weren’t in our home, the questions have started. Why couldn’t my Ethiopian mommy and daddy keep me? Why did it take so long for you to come get me? What about the other boys and girls who don’t have mommies and daddies?

And I’ve become familiar with a form of grief I didn’t anticipate. A sum total of 5 years of their lives is missing. The years which kids don’t remember (but parents memorialize) have no baby books to show for them. No locks of hair, no videos of their first steps, no knowledge of their first words. And this grieves my heart. I long for those years as if I was a parent whose child went missing for a period of time.

The only reconciliation for this grief is oftentimes the missing piece in adoption literature and research. It’s the ingredient that doesn’t show itself on double-blinded studies of children adopted post-infancy. The God of the universe promises redemption and restoration of all that is lost. His promise to Israel is also our promise: He will restore the years the locusts have eaten.

The grief that entered my heart today, at the thought of years I can’t tell stories about, is real. It’s a pain that, if at all possible, cuts even deeper than the wound of not-yet having biological children because it not only impacts me and Nate, but it touches our children. What sort of grid does a five year-old have for processing the black hole of their past? My heart hurts to anticipate when this reality will hurt her.

But what is becoming the lens through which I see our current adoption (and our future adoptions), must also be applied to this scenario.

God not only heals, but he restores. He closes up the wounds of the brokenhearted so that they are no longer.

There are two opportunities here. Eden and Caleb, and Nate and I, can come face to face with the God who penetrates those wounds; we can know Him deeper because of this. And we can walk as ones who have been healed, as if the wound was never there. It is a promise of God.

This may be a lifetime of discovery, but it’s available. What is often missed in the statistical references to adoption is the power of a God who heals. There is hope.

And so I pray to God for my children along the lines of Job, that He would not only heal those years, but restore to them twice as much as they had before. And I take my grief to His feet and say, Father, heal my heart. Heal their hearts. Use this wound to give them even more of you than they would have had if even their infant years had not been stolen.

And I wait with great anticipation, ready to memorialize His work.

Sara and her husband, Nate, are the proud parents of Eden & Caleb (pictured above) and have just begun another adoption journey.  Make sure to visit her blog Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet