A Birthmother's Post-Adoption Grief

Every birthmother & birthfather experiences grief and loss when choosing to make an adoption plan.  Although the general stages of grief can be applied to each situation, every individual moves through the stages in a unique way and on a different timeline.  One FLS birthmother has chosen to share some of her feelings during a difficult moment in the process, to allow others to empathize with the normal feelings that birthparents must experience to get through the grieving process.

There are many days I question myself.  Lately, I have been in a bad mood and just not really wanting to talk to anyone.  I feel as if no one understands what I have been through.  FLS told us we would go through many different feelings of loss after placement, but I really didn’t think that would happen to me. 

I knew what I did was right!  Then, I started seeing other young girls around me who were able to take care of their baby...why couldn’t I?

I started to doubt my decision.  I didn’t really want to talk to the adoptive family anymore.  They were happy...and I wasn’t.  I started to get upset that they had MY baby until I realized these things - I barely have money to put gas in my car, pay for my car and now pay for school.  How on earth do I think I could support a baby!?  How would I be able to pay for diapers, formula, and clothes and still support myself?  I told myself when I was pregnant, “I WILL NOT rely on my parents to support me!”  Yet, that’s exactly what I would be doing if I was parenting a baby right now.

So, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I go to the box where I have kept everything the adoptive family has given to me.  I start reading EVERY card they have ever sent to me and look at all the pictures they given me and think to myself -  “My baby girl is happier and better taken care of then I could ever have done myself at this point in my life.” I know this will not be the end of my hard days but I know that...in the end…I made the right decision.

Here's a great article to help you understand more about Birth Parent Loss and Grief.

Interest Free Adoption Loans

You may already be aware of the opportunity for Christian families to apply for interest-free adoption loans through the Abba Fund. After my recent conversation with a representative of that organization, I feel that it is a great time to remind you of this organization and the help that it could potentially provide for your family’s adoption plans. God has blessed this organization immensely since it was founded and they are able to help many Christian adoptive families overcome the financial barriers of adoption to build their family. Now is a great time to make application if you’ve considered it!

The ministry is Biblically based and strict in their guidelines for applicants in regard to Christian faith. The Abba Fund has been able to grant interest-free loans to several families in the amount of $5,000 to $7,000. If you feel that you may be good candidates for application, please visit their website for more information and specifically read FAQ's.

If you choose to apply, I would advise you to be very thorough in your application answers so they have a clear understanding of your family’s make-up, Christian faith, and financial need. It is better to write too much than too little as the application is the Abba Fund’s only opportunity to assess your candidacy for financial assistance.

Another organization that is very similar to the Abba Fund is Pathways for Little Feet and I would encourage you to look at their information as well. I trust that this information can be a help and an encouragement to you as you continue on your adoption journey!

God Is Able...But What If He Chooses Not To Deliver You?

Recently, I had a conversation with the adoptive mom of a precious child with significant medical needs.  Our conversation was centered around the child's intense desire and prayers for healing in his body, but the struggle with the reality that God hasn't chosen to heal him, to date.  Does this make God unfair, unjust, unloving, or unable?

This conversation has stuck with me for several days as I've pondered the difficult task that these parents have been entrusted with - to help their child understand that God is still loving, kind, gracious, and merciful in the midst of unexplainable illness and difficulty.

Imagine my surprise when I was sitting in church yesterday morning and heard the message text pulled from Daniel 3.  A familiar passage about the fiery furnace and how God delivered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  It was verses 17 & 18 that really got me, "...our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

God is able - that is pure truth.  But sometimes He chooses to deliver us from our circumstances and sometimes He chooses not to.  This is when our faith is truly tested.

Will we only put our trust in Him when He answers our prayers in the way that we want Him to? 

Are we willing to put our unconditional faith and trust in Him because He knows the future and He knows what is best?

Goodsearch - There's No Reason Not To!

Here's an easy way to raise money for the pro-life efforts of Family Life Services - Liberty Godparent Home. Just start using Yahoo! powered GoodSearch.com as your computer's home page & search engine and they'll donate about a penny to your designated cause every time you do a search!

In addition, do all of your shopping through their online shopping mall, GoodShop.com, where you can shop at more than 2,400 top online retailers and a percentage of your purchases will go to the charity or school of your choice. You pay the same price as you normally would, but a donation goes to your cause!

The best part is - this fundraiser doesn't cost you a thing!  However, the benefits add up quickly if people commit to including GoodSearch.com and GoodShop.com for everyday computer use!  In the last 2 weeks, I have earned almost $5.00 for FLS.

There's a new feature on the home page where you can register as a supporter and it will track your individual earnings for your cause in real time.  It's motivating when you can see that you are making a difference.

If you download the custom toolbar for Family Life Services, you'll be sure to never miss a donation available for an online purchase because a box will show up for you to accept the contribution, regardless of whether you navigated to the store through Goodshop or not! 

As Christmas approaches and shopping increases - please consider supporting us in this unique and easy way!