Friday, June 24, 2011
Infertility & Some Gentle Reminders
Whether we realize it or not, couples dealing with the pain and uncertainty of infertility are everywhere around us. We don't often stop to think about it because it is often a very private struggle that is shared with only one's closest friends, if it's shared at all.
The point that I really want to make today is this - we never know what couples are dealing with. So often we find ourselves joking around or making thoughtless comments to couples because we assume that they aren't dealing with infertility.
We don't know...we just assume that they aren't because we haven't been told otherwise.
How many times have you uttered these words: Isn't it about time for you to have a baby? You're not getting any younger, you know, when are you going to start having kids? Don't you want to have children? Don't you want more children? Why haven't you had children yet?
For those who have never brushed the issue of infertility, they can't imagine how a seemingly innocent question can cause so much hurt and refresh the tears of disappointment. Surprisingly, I have even heard adoptive families ask the same questions, not ever thinking about the possibility that their question could be offensive, and I wonder if they have forgotten what that felt like years ago.
I don't believe that people who ask such questions realize that they could be hurtful, I simply think that they have never thought about it and area unaware of the possible effects of such personal inquiries. My challenge today is simple - let's erase these invasive questions from our vocabulary and leave the ideas of whether to build a family, when to build a family, and how to build a family to the individuals around us and create an atmosphere of support for our friends when they do share personal struggles.
Find support for couples dealing with infertility at Resolve and Pregnant with Hope.