Later that week, I had an appointment with the woman who would be my social worker. Ugh. I walked in Deanne’s office and she greeted me with this bright smile. How could someone be so happy about seeing a pregnant kid? “Hi Cameron, I’m Deanne. We are going to be working together and I will be here to help in any way I can”. She wanted to talk with me about the pros and cons of parenting and adoption. An hour or so later I walked back to my room at the Godparent Home. That night I laid in my bed and prayed. I will give God one more shot. I still didn’t hear anything. The next day I went back to Deanne’s office and sat down. She wanted to show me portfolios of different families who were waiting to adopt a child. She informed me that in no way was she trying to push me to place this child for adoption but she wanted to provide me with information on the adoption process so I could make an educated decision. I eventually ended up picking two families to interview just to get a feel of some couples wanting to adopt and to hear their stories. This would at least give me the opportunity to explore the thought of adoption. However, I still wasn’t convinced.
I eventually ended up leaving the Godparent Home to return to live with my family in Virginia, but agreed to continue meet with my caseworker at Family Life Services so I could come up with a plan for myself and my child – whatever that may be.
During the course of counseling, my dad and I attended an adoption event, hosted by the agency, and I was anxious to speak to two prospective couples that I thought I might like. I knew that they may have their hopes up and I didn’t want to let them down. We were standing in the corner waiting for the right time to visit with the first couple when I heard a boisterous laugh from across the room. I saw a red headed woman who had an infectious smile and a southern accent that reminded me so much of my mom. I smiled. I wanted to speak with her. She had me intrigued. I wanted to know more about this woman. I asked Deanne “Is there any way I can change my mind on the couples I want to try to talk with? I want to interview that lady.” “Sure” Deanne said. “I will see what I can do.”
I was able to sit down with the couple, who introduced themselves as Roger and Pat. They began to explain their journey and dreams of having their own child. They had a rough time with trying to conceive. My heart went out to Pat because here I was - sixteen, pregnant and trying to figure out what to do with a baby. Pat had tried for so long and it never happened. At that point, I felt God tugging at my heart. I knew for sure, right then, that I wanted to provide this joy to someone who was so deserving and could provide a life I couldn’t for my son.
I told Deanne that I didn’t want to interview with anyone else. My dad and I left and I said to him - “They’re it”! My dad smiled and said - “I thought the same thing”. During our ride home, I felt at ease. I had a huge sense of relief and was able to breathe again. My dad was right, I would hear God if I seek Him. He was there and He never left or forgot me. “Thank you Lord” - I thought. From that point on God let me know that this was not MY child.
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