Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Highs and Lows of "Dating" Birthparents

Prospective adoptive families who are waiting for a domestic infant adoption placement often draw comparisons between "the wait" in adoption and the dating process.  Can any of you remember the teenage years, when you first began to date and think about the possibility of marriage?  You wonder if you will fall head over heels for your first boyfriend/girlfriend, worry about if someone will ever "choose" you as their life partner, and fear having your heart broken in the process.  I'm sure that more than one of us can recall trying to become what we thought the other person would like, but that is often an exhausting charade to keep up for more than a few weeks.  Similar feelings can translate when you are waiting to see if there are birth parents who will feel that they match with your family for a lifelong relationship centered around one, tiny baby.

Families have expressed fears of not being rich enough, attractive enough, athletic enough, young enough, and the list goes on and on.  Eventually, we realize that all we can do is be who God made us to be.  That is not to say that you shouldn't try to put your best food forward to connect with others, but it is to say that chemistry and connections are often made between two people or groups of people that an outsider may not necessarily link together. 

It is not uncommon to meet several different birth parents throughout "the wait" and a connection may be felt by one side, but not the other. Certainly, there are very real emotions and very real heart breaks in the adoption process. On the flip side, family after family have reflected back on the interview process and could see why various situations wouldn't have been right for their family and why the birth parents who selected their family are absolutely irreplaceable.

Adoptive Families Circle has posted a blog called "Dating" Birthparents that builds on this comparison that is so relatable for waiting adoptive families.

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