To Exchange Gifts or Not...That is the Question

Christmas is just around the corner...trees are up, lights are sparkling, folks are shopping!  During the holiday season, adoptive families and birth families can get really stressed out about the whole topic of gift giving....to exchange gifts or not to exchange gifts, that is the BIG question?

Unfortunately, there is not one answer that can be applied, across the board, to every adoptive family and birth family.  However, this is a time of year that you should remember one another and send a greeting, regardless of if it includes a gift or not.  Remember that it is the thought that counts.  It is better to send a card than do nothing because you have allowed yourself to be frozen in panic.

I have witnessed adoptive families and birth families who enjoy exchanging gifts and others who have chosen to keep their relationship focused on the relationship and don't want to burden either family with adding to the Christmas shopping list.  It is certainly individual and the most important thing is to communicate and talk about it if the uncertainty of know what you should or shouldn't do has caused you to stay awake at night.  Simply say, "I've been thinking about Christmas coming up and I sure want you to know how much you mean to our family every month throughout the year, but wondered what your thoughts are about whether we should exchange gifts or not?".  It comes out much easier than you might anticipate - and you'll feel so much better once you know what's expected.

If you choose not to exchange gifts, there are still some great ideas for the holidays: 

Send a photo card, making it more personal than the standard greeting and really think about your message inside (don't use your standard, 1 line greeting that you will write on all 100 of your cards). 

Make an ornament for the Christmas tree and mail it in early December. 

Consider sending an "update letter" and some new photographs.  This is a great idea for birth parents as well.  It is easy for birth parents to think that they have nothing to tell about themselves, but make an effort at the end of this year to tell the adoptive family about you and your family and include updated pictures of yourself. 

Share a holiday tradition between families.  Maybe it's a special breakfast that you enjoy as a family, a story that is read annually, a Christmas movie that's a "must" in your home, a family recipe, etc. 

A Message To Birth Mothers...

This simple, yet heartfelt, message to birth mothers was written today by Beth, adoptive mom of Eli.  This adoptive mom "gets it"...



Today is "Birth Mother's Day."  I hope that every birth mom out there is blessed today.  You truly have shown me what unconditional love is.  So, Happy Birth Mother's Day to any lady who has lovingly placed their child in the hands of another woman.  I am a mom today because of you.  "Thank You" doesn't seem like enough.  To Eli's birth mom - You are honored in our lives today & everyday.  God bless all Birth Moms!

Birthmother's Day - May 8th, 2010

Mother's Day is soon approaching and we want to make sure that you take time to acknowledge Birthmother's Day on that special weekend.  Birthmother's Day falls on the Saturday before Mother's Day - May 8, 2010 - and should be a time that you pause to let birthmother's know how special they are to your family.  This time of year can be difficult for birthmothers, if nobody takes the time to recognize the sacrifice of love that they have made for the child.  Don't let this date pass you by, start planning now!

There are many, creative ways that you can let her know that she is special.  The key is to plan now and get it there on time, BEFORE May 8th so she knows that she is not forgotten.  This day is more about the emotional and sentimental value, than the monetary value.  Here are some suggestions that you may consider:

• Create a photo greeting card of the child on a site such as Snapfish or Shutterfly with a personalized message
• Frame a piece of artwork that the child has created for the birthmother in a simple frame to showcase the creation (fingerpainting, drawing, colored picture, etc.)
• For young children, send handprints or footprints of the child framed, in clay, on a card, etc.  I have seen some adoptive families get really creative with this and send a piece of artwork with "handprint" flowers, etc.  You can find some ideas at Handprint Craft, Baby Handprint Crafts, Enchanted Learning, and more available by doing a quick search!
• Arrange to have flowers delivered to her on May 8th (if you have a mediated adoption through FLS, this can usually be arranged by calling Rose Marie in our office)
• Have a mug, necklace, keychain, etc. personalized with a photo of the child
• Consider sending a recordable card from Hallmark with a simple message recorded by the child (this can be especially cute for those little tikes who are just learning to talk!).
• If you are in close proximity to one another, plan a picnic at a local park or playground to spend some time together and take photos.
• Set up a time to have professional pictures taken with your family and the birthmother in the next month - purchase one of her favorite proofs following the session.  If you are in the Lynchburg area, check out Simple Reflections Photographic Art who have an FLS Adoption Package.

There are limitless ideas that will help to make the birthmother in your life feel special.  Remember, plan now and get it to her on or by May 8th.  What are some of your ideas for celebrating Birthmother's Day?